Children are aware
Long before we realize it, children become aware of death. They see dead birds, insects, and animals lying by the road. They may see death at least once a day on television or on video games. They hear about it in fairy tales and act it out in their play. Death is a part of everyday life, and children, at some level, are aware of it.
If we permit children to talk to us about death, we can give them needed information, prepare them for a crisis, and help them when they are upset. We can encourage their communication by showing interest in and respect for what they say. We can also make it easier for them to talk to us if we are open, honest, and comfortable with our own feelings…
As with any sensitive subject, we must seek a delicate balance that encourages children to communicate: a balance between avoidance and confrontation. This balance is not easy to achieve. It involves the following:
* Trying to be sensitive to children’s desires to communicate when they are ready.
*Maintaining an openness that encourages children’s attempts to communicate.
* Listening to and accepting children’s feelings.
*Offering children honest explanations when we are obviously upset.
*Answering questions in simple language appropriate for their age.
*Trying to find brief, simple, and age-appropriate answers to children’s questions; understandable answers which do not overwhelm them with too many words.
Perhaps most difficult of all, communicating about death involves examining our own feelings and beliefs so that we can talk to our children naturally when opportunities arise.
National Institutes of Health
Clinical Center
Bethesda, MD 20892
OCCC@cc.nih.gov
