Death can bring out the worst in people. Families that have been dysfunctional for years suddenly find themselves in a tiny room. Sibling rivalries reignite. Second, third, and fourth marriages get rehashed. New spouses appear. And then there is money.
I once worked with a man whose wife was the same age as his children. The man had a lot of money. The children suspected not only that the new wife was plotting to get all the money, but that also she was trying to speed up the man’s demise. Yes, death can be the stuff of TV movies. What do you do?
Find resources! Hospitals and hospices have resources. Even though a situation may be new to you, chances are the hospice and hospital staff, including physicians, nurses, therapists, and chaplains, have heard it before.
Focus on the dying person. Talk to the nurses and doctors. Talk with the family separately, if possible. If you see that you are in way over your head, recommend a professional–perhaps a psychiatrist or therapist; perhaps a mediator; perhaps a lawyer. When you are in over your head, admit it and start swimming.
Articles: Family Dynamics and the Dying Parent
Family Feud: When Siblings Clash about a Parent’s Care by Jeff Anderson
Till Death (of Our Parents) Do Us Part by Avidan Milesvsky, PhD
How to Handle Family Dynamics Around a Dying Loved One by Judith Johnson
Surprising Twists In Family Dynamics As the Years Pass Along by Derek Alger
